Just call me Helen

An oldie but a goodie...

Written a few years back after a not so good "break-up". I read it and now find it quite amusing, lets see what you think. (not that I really care but since your reading this why not pretend like your important right?....I'm so nice)

Men need to learn to choose their words wisely. If they don't it could haunt them forever. Like as in your first born being a girl. That's the Lords way of saying Ha, take that sucker! They think they can talk to you however they want without repercussion as if they run the show. Sometimes their words can hurt, sting and burn. Other times it can make butterflies flutter around in my stomach. Sometimes it can even make me sick to my stomach. To the men in my life who use words without thought, without concern or any brain cells for that matter, I have one response. One simple well thought and planned...Go Fuck Yourself.

I don't care how casual a relationship is there is one line that never gets crossed. Respect. Telling me to go call one of my other boys or telling me some bullshit excuse as to why you stood me up or even the lame ass "It's only you" line, yeah that's a total violation of my respect. (Hello run-on sentence..I digress, back to man hating)

Do you honestly think I believe it when you tell me that you had to work late? Do you think that in a neighborhood where news travels faster than Superman on steroids that I don't know that you were out with someone else? Do you think I really believe your cell phone died? Please bro. I'm convinced there is some secret group that wrangles you all up as small boys and trains you to think that we actually believe your lying bullshit. It probably even teaches you the crap to say. At the very least please be original. Fake a sickness or lie about a fictitious relative dying. Something bro, c'mon keep a girl on her toes. If we are doomed to play this game at least make it interesting. Hearing the same bullshit lines over and over can really drain a girl.

Even the things you say while dating are lame. "I respect you too much to do that"..."I got forced into going out with the boys, it's my co-workers last day"..."I did call, your phone must not be working"..."I don't get service where I was"..."I love you"....Blasphemy!!! My all time favorite is when they post things on Facebook or MySpace like we suddenly lost the ability to read. Amazing. I'm sorry sir but unless my name is Helen Keller I'm fully aware of whats going on in your posts and/or comments (that you make public might I add) and what pictures you are tagged in. I see the visit to Grandma's somehow took a drastic turn when you ended up at the Jersey Shore fist pumping away. She must be one feisty old brawd. If you want to be a player, then be one, but please don't think that because you apparently have a limited use of your brain that I do as well. Not only can I read (omg shocker!!) but I can hear and see too. Whoa did I just shatter everything you thought was real?? So here's hoping that you come up with a better game for the next one. I'm calling quits. I win, you lose.

Well now that I feel all warm and cozy inside from this touching tale of love I will bid you adieu.