Last night, in a bored daze, I decided to look through some of my old journals and see what I was thinking back in the days. Apparently it was pretty much the same shit I think now. There are a a few things that are heartbroken and heart-open related (yeah I just made that up).
I want to share something I wrote back in 2006.
You stand before God and your family preaching honest love and life. Your halo shines so bright, your wings so glorious it almost hides your horns. As you spit your hypocrisies I see you. I see the devil is disguise, a true bitch in her real form. A faker, a phony, an unhappy and disheartened being. Had I only been so wise as to discover your trickery long ago I could have avoided your negative Karma. Your evil rays pour down on me, your eyes so filled with envy I can only feel sorry for you. To be true to oneself is closest to God that you can be. To live in a mirage is torture. You think because you go to Church and pretend to live well that you have everyone fooled. Remember that God sees all. A selected few down here can see beyond your glow to the inferno that burns within.
You always claimed to be just like me, but you could never be anything like me. I am who I am good and bad. I don't conform and I don't back down. I bleed for what I believe in and I live for me. I glow because I radiate realness. I don't claim to be an angel or spend my Sundays at church when every Saturday is spent laying under some fool. I'm a sinner in the truest of forms. God knows my sins, he sees my pain and sees my strength. He knows I'm true to myself and that Jezebel you could never be. What you do to others in life will reflect upon you. I suffer now to live better later, you will suffer later for your wickedness. Good luck and may God be with you, because you will need it.
I wrote this after the ending of a friendship. Someone who claimed to be my "sister" and "best friend" ended up turning on me like I was a total stranger. Moral of the story is you can be heartbroken not only by a man but by friends too. I think the pain of that can be worse.
I believe that there is no such thing as a soul mate. There is no one person made completely to match me. I believe that you fall in love once. I'm talking head over heels hardcore in love. After that you can love someone else but it will never be the same. This person you love and marry will be a great match but you will have things that are lacking. I believe that's where your friends come in. I have been lucky enough in life to be blessed with three sisters. You know who you are. They are my other half of the equation. So ladies please don't put all your stock into your man and leave your friends because when he isn't enough, and he never will be, what will you be left with?
Ladies, value your friends. Don't betray and hold on to your loyalties. For those of us who have already been hurt, keep moving forward. Your real friends never leave, never hurt and always pick up the pieces. That girl I was friends with that betrayed me I have one more thing to say to her... Thank you. Thanks for the friendship we had and thanks for opening my eyes when you did. I don't think I could be who I am now without you showing me that even the nicest people can be true scumbags.
Well that's all for now folks....
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